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1. You give him a standing ovation each time you see him on TV
2. You bought a copy of a soundtrack, just to look at the pics of him in the booklet
3.
4. Half of your Windows 95/98 system sounds are of Joaq in Gladiator and 8MM
5. You preordered two copied of Gladiator (one widescreen one regular), you wore them out by watching them
6. You pray that his limo will breakdown in front of your house
7. You cried when you lost your collection of Gladiator movie theater stubs
8. You wear replica Commodus (or togas) clothes in the middle of July...in 100 degree weather
9. You celebrate the anniversaries of his film's opening days
10. You used a roll and a half of kodak film getting multiple shots of the sign advertising his new movies.... each movie
11. You glue your photo next to one of JP and frame it for the Tv-fireplace-shelf where you keep ALL your JPphotos
12. Your answering machine tape sounds like "Hi...I can't come to the phone right now... Joaquin Phoenix just knocked on my door and wants me to join him at the hip night club in New York to break dance like he did in the Yards "
13. You built a model of the Colosseum, and have a little statue of him sitting on his thrown
14. You saw Gladiator 43 times to date.. and are waiting for the sequel announcment (I have seen it 43 times and I'm still waiting!)
15. You envy Connie Neilson so much for being in that great movie with him!
16. You have a dream 4 or more nights a week with JP in them
17. Joaq Phoenix is your computer starting page

I just bought the Limited Edition Gladiator DVD and YOU DON'T OWN A DVD PLAYER!! I just knew I would kick myself if I didn’t have it...It has all sorts of added stuff with HIM in it. I have gone through all my friends trying to find someone with a DVD player on TV or Comp. I finally found a friend who did. It is a real neat thing to see. A lot of HIM talking about things in the movie and Cool segments on the special effects( the car rocked)
You know that your a true fan when you watch everyone of his movies over and over, and when everyone is gone from the house and all you do is sit at the computer and look at his pictures.
If your history notebook has one full page of quotes from Gladiator which you wrote when you were supposed to be studying for a big test.
...when you find yourself yelling insults at anybody who dares to treat JP's character in a disrespectful manner in a movie.
You buy a JP movie even though you've already taped it from TV just because you want the movie in the original box with JP's and name on it.
Your pocketbook is always containing SOMETHING relating to JP like - torn theatre ticket stubs from your multiple viewings of Gladiator and The Yards. A blank tape you've just bought from the store to tape a JP movie. A JP video you've just rented from the store. A rented JP video you're reluctantly taking back to store.
You pay big bucks to frame your posters with his face, and pray to god that it doesnt get messed up in the process!!
you're happily enjoying watching the NBC network's airing of Return to Paradise, (Regardless of the fact that you own the film and could watch it, unedited and uninterrupted at any time), and the local TV station interrupts the airing for a big newsbreak and you say "This is interrupting JOAQUIN?, puh!!!"
You used a roll and a half of kodak film getting multiple shots of the sign advertising his new movies.... each movie
When your native language is Spanish, and you're watching a JP movie dubbed to Spanish hoping he actually said his lines in Spanish
You know you're a true JP fan when you have in your Windows desktop a lovely JP photo, and you arrange your icons in such way that they don't cover the photo.
when your English teacher asks to talk to you after class. "Why do you always write about the emperors when you live in U.S.A?" (That's going to happen to me someday, I just know it!!)
You know you are a true JP fan and a true Commodus fan when someone says you are a prick you yell in their face" AM IN NOT MERCIFUL?"
30% of your hard disk is occupied with JP photos you've downloaded from Internet. (And when Windows 95 warns you, that your computer hasn't enough space, you erase ANYTHING but those pictures)
You backup every 3 days all your JP stuff from your computer. (You never know when a hard disk will have a fatal failure)
You're programming in Clipper or C++, and all the variables names are 1Joaquin, cJRP, Njimmy, lLewis, nJoaq, California, etc.
You watch any non-JP movie, and you find yourself saying: "Hey that actor has the same name of a JP character!". "Hey, that guy played a role in a JP movie".
You can't find an error in a program, and suddenly you minimize all your windows, so you can get some inspiration from the-wonderful-25-unique-man you installed in your wallpaper. (using Windows 98)
Your boss tells you that please, remove the wallpaper from your computer, because half of the time that you're supposed to work, you spend it looking at (I'm quoting my boss) "that weird, ugly dude".
After watching all JP websites, you've decided to learn HTML to build one. (And yes, you learn it, and YES! you build one!)
You're known in the video store as "The woman that who has rented 8MM 6 times since the release 8 days ago"
You see a JP film you don't have in your collection for sale in a store. If you buy it, you won't have money for the bus to return at your home. You buy the film, and you go home walking.
You wait 45 minutes in the video store for the manager, so you can ask him if you can buy that "lovely Clay Pigeons poster they have hanged in that wall". (unfortunately the answer was yes!)
The network manager knows that any file or folder in the main computer named JoaquinRaphael , is yours.
In your favorite places from your navigator, you have a folder named "Joaquin Phoenix"
You resize that lovely Jp photo, you print it, and you carry it in your wallet.
When somebody starts talking about obsessions, you feel the rest of the people is looking at you.
You search in Weather Channel the broadcast for Puerto Rico, or Los Angeles.
You know you're a true Joaquin Phoenix fan when you get T-shirt transfer paper to put pictures of Joaq on your T-shirts!!
You know your a Joaquin freak when you fantasize making love to Joaq, and you cut out every picture of him and put it in your scrap book, and then you try to watch all his movies. When Gladiator comes out on video, you would watch the scene where he is practicing his combat training in the snow, then rewind it back and watch it over and over again, then you hope he makes more movies where he reveals more than that!
when you need a 12 step program to get over your obsession with him
You know you're a true JP fan when someone mentions his name and you start to hyperventilate, get weak in the knees and see visions of him dance before your eyes. (Hey, it happens to me. I think it's a proved medical condition.)
You know you're a true JP fan when You spend your lunch hour getting gas (even though you're starving!) so you can immediately speed home after work to watch To Die For movie on TBS at 5:05 p.m., and see his sexy dancing!
You rent two movies on Saturday night - the regular family entertainment and a JP movie
You seriously consider buying Phoenix, AZ travel guides because, hey, you love to see that name in print! :)
I know I'm a JP fan when you name your pet or child after him!
You know your a true JP fan when you see an ordinary object (a chair, for instance) and think: "Wow, Joaquin used chairs in his movies! And look! He also had to have oxygen too! Gosh! I have a lot in common with him!"
You know you're a true Jp fan when you start seeing your name all over other people's webpages as either a contributor or as an example of an "obsessed woman."
you have to buy a new VCR case to hold all these JP videos.
You write the U.S. goevernment and say November 21st and October 28 should be national holidays!!
when you join the JP chat forum.
when your inbox is filled with emails from Antje, Brooke, Jill and other equally obsessed women.....
when you write to Premiere looking for the October 1995 issue. Two copies, of course!
You know that you are a JP fan when you try to tell your friends that JP is so HOT that when you watch a movie without JP in it you fall asleep and when you watch his movie you move in you seat until your friends yell at you "STOP MOVING YOUR BUGGING ME" and you answer "IT'S CAUSE HE IS SO HOT AND I WONT HIM I CANT HAVE HIM SO ALL I CAN DO IS LOVE HIM FOR WHO HE IS AND HOPE THAT SOME DAY I WILL MEET HIM AND I WILL BE HAPPY."
when you create a folder in your internet explorer entitled "JP downloads."
Its your turn to have Thanksgiving, and you MAKE your family members watch the PETA commercial Joaquin did, and you dont cook anything but veggies, and they all are HEAVY MEAT EATERS!
When you buy a jacket, you check numerous times to make sure that there is no leather in it.
You buy the novel Gladiator just because of his pictures inside.

You have to buy your own TV and VCR, because your family has enough watching JP movies.
Your word processor has been configured so when you write "JP", it changes to "Joaquin Phoenix".
Your family is seriously considering taking you to therapy because of your "obsession with little brother to River Phoenix".
In a party, someone you've just met starts telling you how he/she enjoyed "Gladiator", and your family waves their arms behind you trying to say "NOOO!!! Don't bring up that subject!!!!!"
You bought twice a magazine because it has JP photos at both pages of the same sheet. (And of course you want them both!!!!!)
You wanna kiss each guy who believes JP is cool!!!
You press Pause button in that scene he looks so handsome, and kiss the TV screen. *blushing*.
You won't hesitate (have no doubts) choosing between a $10,000,000.00 prize and spending 24 hrs with JP....
While you're watching Gladiator AGAIN, your sister yells "Grow up!!! You are so *@#%$ obsessed with that ugly weirdo!!!!!" You raise your hands replying "I DON'T CARE!!!!" and show her the finger!!
You *sigh* when you see his name on credits.
You wrote down in your agenda the Gladiator premiere, and of course you won't make any appointments for that day!!!!
You have a JP picture in the ceiling over your bed, so he's the first and last thing you see in day. (I have to remove it because my sister started with the song "Grow up!! You're so immature."
You watch a JP movie on TV although you have a copy in your video collection (I did that with "The Fugitive")
1 You rewind again and again that scene you love, and when someone asks what the hell are you doing, you say" Im watching my favorite moment of my whole life!"
When you are planning to visit Puerto Rico and look for the place Joaquin was born.

You know you are a true JP fan when you start watching one after another of the JP films in your collection{ I actually did this yesterday, I started with Clay Pigeons at 5:00 AM and ended with 8MM at 5:00 AM the next day!}. I have to get more movies for my collection.
You work 9-5 and then spend four and a half hours looking up information on JP on the Net, then realize your bookmarks make you look obsessed (But Who Cares!)
You manage to name drop JP or one of his films into almost any conversation.
The mere mention of his name (Spoken by someone else) turns your knees to Jello (Delete as appropriate) and your mind to unpure thoughts.
After much deliberation, you decide to buy the same car Joaquin has, even though you cant afford it!
Your selected e-mail address is: russjoaqgladiator@hotmail.com, or something along that line!
Your family no longer lets you go out to the video store unaccompanied their reasoning being "He may be a good actor but we're not watching another one of his films"
You end up making excuses to the Cinema to see any of his films more than once: "I'm Working late tonight" (It's like having an affair) "I'm Going to see (Insert Title Here) tonight" "You have to see this film, it's great. Look I'll pay"
You're writing on your computer and run a spell check. The computer balks at the word Commodus and JP and you add the words to your computer dictionary.
You're sitting in the theater waiting for Gladiator to start. They are featuring a trivia test on the screen. A question about JP is flashed, and you shout the answer!
You fast forward to the first scene Joaquin has in everyone of his movies.
You spend the better part of a gorgeous Saturday morning doing a casual search through the internet for JP listings.
You dream you are Suzanne in To Die For! (That's so great, you get to have sex with him!)
You find yourself using lines from JP's films in your casual conversation. For example, this exchange at our house.
You: "You dance with the devil the devil don't change, the devil changes you"

your sister: "What? is that a threat?"

you: "The Devil's waitin' on ya"

You sister:" Oh yeah, its a stupid like from a Joaquin movie"
You sign up for cinemax and E! so you can watch coming attractions for JP movie previews and watch Joaq movies.
Your Windows software has a Gladiator screensaver, Gladiator wallpaper, and all the Windows sounds are .wav files of JP saying lines from his movies.
You use "After Dark" software to create your OWN JP screensaver; featuring image after image of JP flashing on your screen!
It sounds just like me! the walls in my bedroom are covered with JP posters and articles.
If you constantly dream about him morning noon and night.
You know that you're a JP freak when you divide your video collection in two categories: "JP films" and "Other."
You dream that you are playing Nicole Kidman's part and Charlize Theron's and Kate Winslet's parts in To Die For, The Yards, and Quills.
You're supposed to be writing a paper that is due tomorrow, but black holes can't compare with JP as a universal phenomena, so you're surfing JP sites to get your fix.
You send nasty hate mail to all his female costars, and especially to Nicole cuz she is married to Tom Cruise, went out with Russ, and got to do a sex scene with Joaq!
You become a vegan!
You bite your fingernails
You hate when people abbreviate To Die For as "2die4" (grr!!!, personal pet peeve!)
(Thank you Suzanne!) You know you're a true JP fan when you're absolutely starving, so you make yourself dinner, but you decide to go check one more JP website and/or JP message board on the internet one more time before you eat (which should only take a second). And, then you realize an hour later "Hey, I forgot to eat!!"
(Thank you Anja!) I sleep with a picture of the man under my pillow, because its supposed to help me dream about him!
I bought instant misosoup because it is said to be his favourite. I don't like it at all, but I'll learn to devellop a taste for it. If Joaquin likes it...I shall too.
I am flying to London just to see Quills three months before it is officially released in theatres across Europe. (True, I also can't wait to meet the other obsessed ones!)
My friend is nine weeks pregnant, and I'm trying to convince her to name the baby Joaquin if it's a boy. (I don't think I will succeed, she's from the Tzech Republik and wants a traditional name, darn.)
I don't like to cook, but lately I've been making these haute cuisine vegan dishes for myself to practice in case the day ever comes that I get to cook for Joaquin.
When I go shopping and see a nice outfit, I try it on and wonder if Joaquin would like it.
I place extremely high bids on Ebay for Joaqstuff.
I compare every potential boyfriend to Joaquin and then decide that noone compares to HIM. (I will end up an old maid if I keep this up.)
Whenever I make a fool out of myself (which happens a lot, I'm rather goofy and clumsy) I like to think that Joaq and myself have our "eccentricities" in common.
I think I see him whereever I go, the supermarket, the hairdressers etc. There's always someone that reminds me of him. Sometimes I even abruptly stop whatever I was doing and stare at a guy with wide open eyes whispering Joaq's name, only to be disappointed.
Guess what my computer password is. Yep...
Sometimes people speak to me but I just don't hear them, because my thoughts are elsewhere (yes, there). When it happens with my friends when they are talking about trivial stuff it doesn't matter, but when it happens when a professor is addressing me in a room full of fellow students it's rather embarrassing, trust me.
(Thank you Jill!)when you beg all your friends to download his recent trailers and ask them AGAIN, "don't you think he's so hot!!!"
when you refer to him as "my man" and all your friends know exactly who you are talking about!
when you have a picture of the week in the window of you wallet of joaq (actually, i've stuck with just one for the past little while)
(Suzanne again!)when you go and watch a movie that you don't like that much (The Exorsist) just because you heard that the Quills trailer was on it!!
every single notebook of yours is filled with hundreds of different handwritings of Joaquin Raphael Phoenix , 28 10 1974 , etc
you felt your heart stopping when those bastards hang him in Return to Paradise
the first and the last thing you say in your day is "Good morning , Joaquin " and "Good night Joaquin"(unfortunately only to his pics)
When you see him on TV , you come closer and touch his adorable face on the screen
You know that you are going to faint because you're watching Inventing the Abbots and you are eating apple...and oh,my God!...he is also eating one
every second word of yours is Joaquin(every third:great/every fourth:outstanding , etc)
You feel jitters going down your back when you see hi hypnothic eyes and his lovely little acne spots on his arm ...
you are ready to cause extreme phisical suffer to those who dare to doubt in his sexual orientation...